What if God Hooped With the Best Basketball Players Ever?

What if God hooped with the all-time basketball greats? How would a squad of God’s biblical figures match up against them? What gear would team Yahweh be rocking on the court? Let’s find out.

The Gear

The Ark of the Covenant is where God, YHWH, or Yahweh, appeared in the form of fire at night and a cloud by day to lead the Israelites to their freedom from ancient Egypt. The Cherubim angels facing each other towards the mercy seat inspired the 2024 Olympic podium picture of Simone Biles, Rebeca Andrade, and Jordan Chiles.

The alternate jerseys would either be inspired by the design of the Tabernacle of Moses detailed in Exodus 25, or the the Jewish priestly garments detailed in Exodus 28.

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The GOAT as a Reference to a Satanic Deity

Sports fan love debating who the greatest of all time is, also known as the GOAT. Goats are synonymous with sin and Satan. This is a way to introduce pagan or Satanic deities to people through entertainment and sports.

The Original Splash Brothers

Long before the Splash Brothers were making it rain and getting four rings together there was another pair of splash brothers. Zechariah and Elizabeth were an old couple. Elizabeth was past childbearing years, but conceived through the grace of God. The angel Gabriel told Zechariah the news in the temple, then made him mute and deaf because he did not believe. The baby was born and the people were going to name him after his dad Zechariah.

On the eighth day they came to circumcise the child, and they were going to name him after his father Zechariah, but his mother spoke up and said, “No! He is to be called John.”

They said to her, “There is no one among your relatives who has that name.”

Then they made signs to his father, to find out what he would like to name the child.  He asked for a writing tablet, and to everyone’s astonishment he wrote, “His name is John.”  Immediately his mouth was opened and his tongue set free, and he began to speak, praising God.

Luke 1:59-64 of the King James Version of the Holy Bible

God came through with the J by giving birth to John the Baptist, restoring his dad’s ability to hear and speak, and to let him make the way for Jesus Christ. John the Baptist was used by God to bring people back to God and to make the way for Jesus Christ through baptism.

The Rosters of Team Yahweh and the All-Time NBA Teams

Here’s who would be playing on the all-time NBA team based mainly on their individual playoff win shares and how victorious they were.

At Point Guard (PG)

God Hooped Facing the All-Time NBA Point Guards of

• Magic Johnson started winning as a rookie and won five rings with the Lakers in the ‘80s using his playmaking and slick passes.
• Stephen Curry is the best shooter basketball has ever seen, secured the 2024 Olympic gold medal for team USA in the final game against France, and lead the Warriors to win four rings between 2015 and 2022.
• Isiah Thomas was the Bad Boy Pistons’ point guard that used the Jordan Rules to get past Jordan’s Bulls to get two rings between 1989 and 1990.

“And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.”

Exodus 14:26

God Hooped With His Point Guards

• Enoch was brought up to the heavens without dying. His coach lets him protect the team’s treasure, and is the immediate attendant on the coach’s throne.
• Watch out for Moses in crunch time if the lane is clogged. He’s had ancient Egyptians corner his squad on the Red Sea. What’s a clogged lane to him? Mans will get the call from the coach to stretch out his arms then he and his whole team split the lane and get those buckets.
• Daniel will dish out the game plan to the squad because he interpret the dreams of King Nebuchadnezzar II to predict the world kingdoms of Babylon, Medo-Persia, Greco-Macedonia, and Rome.

At Shooting Guard (SG)

God Hooped Facing the All-Time NBA Shooting Guards of

• Michael Jordan is arguably the best basketball player ever. Six championships with the Bulls between 1991 and 1998 and going undefeated in the Finals.
• Kobe Bryant is most similar player to Michael Jordan. He won five rings with Lakers between 2000 and 2010 and sharing rings with Shaq and Phil Jackson.
• Dwayne Wade lead the Heat to three champions between 2006 and 2013. He formed the NBA’s first super team when Lebron James and Chris Bosh joined the Heat in 2010. He’s best known for dunking on Varejao.

“And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever.”

Revelation 11:15 of the King James Version of the Holy Bible

God Hooped With These Shooting Guards on His Team

• Jacob, also known as Israel. If mans can wrestle with God and win, every matchup for Israel is a bucket. He received his father’s blessing, had his brother Esau sell his birthright for some red stew, and is the patriarch of God’s chosen people.
• Peter used to fish for fish until Jesus told him to become a fisherman of men. If Jesus first appeared to him after being crucified and rising, then mans has the eyes to fish for those buckets.
• John the Apostle will play the other team, already seeing what’s going to happen. Mans wrote the Book of Revelation, after some visions from the coach, to warn everybody about what will happen before the coach and the squad win the eternal championship and reign on earth forever.

And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.

And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

Genesis 32:26 – 32:28 of the King James Version of the Holy Bible

The Small Forward (SF) Lineup

God Hooped Facing These Small Forwards

• Lebron James is also argued to be the best player to ever play basketball. He’s won four rings with the Heat, Cavaliers, and Lakers between 2012 and 2020. Between 2011 and 2018 his team always showed up to the Finals.
• Larry Bird rivaled Magic Johnson in the ‘80s by collecting four rings between 1981 and 1986. He had a marksman jump shot and never shied away from talking trash.
• Kevin Durant is one of the game’s best scorers, collected two rings with the Warriors, and was the most valuable player on the best single-season NBA playoff team ever. His decision to join the Warriors in 2016 made the team unbeatable until he became injured and left the team in 2019.

“Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”

Matthew 7:14 of the King James Version of the Holy Bible

God Hooped With His Small Forwards of

• Jesus Christ is God’s human form. He’ll find you an open look to the narrow gate that leads to life and easy buckets as easy as he fed 5000 people while starting off with only five loaves and two fish. He will make the ultimate sacrifice on the cross to spare us from God’s wrath, easily find his way to the cup almost as if he’s walking on water, and shoot the ball in ways as miraculous as him turning water into wine.
• Noah’s the defensive anchor of the team. Mans will build you an arc to stop the other team from making it rain or flooding your net when everybody starts misbehaving. Once they get the ball that dove’s going to fly, looking for some dry land, and lead the fast break to get Team Yahweh that easy bucket.
• Jeremiah would be the one to keep the squad focused on winning basketball by warning them to avoid idolatry, social injustice, and moral decay.

The Power Forwards (PF)

God Hooped Facing the All-Time NBA Power Forwards of

• Tim Duncan cooked other teams using fundamental skills to get five chips between 1999 and 2014.
• Dennis Rodman’s elite defense, rebounding, and unrelenting hustle gained him five rings while playing for the Bad Boy Pistons and Jordan’s Bulls.
• Dirk Nowitzki carried the Mavericks to their championship ring in 2011 against the Big 3 Heat. He was a force in the 2000s with many deep playoff runs with the Mavs.

Team Yahweh

• King David is best known for heroically slaying Goliath, becoming King of Israel, and taking back Jerusalem and the Ark of the Covenant.
• Elijah is one of Israel’s greatest prophets and God’s heavyweight champ that defeated the deity named Baal.
• Joseph had his brothers sold him into slavery in ancient Egypt and he went to jail. He was made second-in-command by Pharaoh after interpreting his and saved Egypt from a famine.

The Centers (C)

All-Time NBA Centers

• Kareem-Abdul Jabbar patented the unstoppable sky hook shot and collected six rings with the Bucks and Lakers between 1971 and 1988, playing alongside Oscar Robertson and Magic Johnson.
• Bill Russell has won the most championships of any player ever. His defense, rebounding, and even coaching for two years to lead his Celtics to win 11 rings between 1957 and 1969.
• Wilt Chamberlain was so good at basketball that he holds 72 regular-season records along with collecting himself two rings in 1967 and 1972 with the ‘76ers and Lakers.

Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?

1st Kings 3:9 of the King James Version of the Holy Bible

Team Yahweh Centers

• Samson the Nazirite. His superhuman strength let him to slay a lion with his bare hands and taking out an entire Philistine army with only a donkey’s jawbone.
• King Solomon, the wealthy and wise son of King David, was given wisdom by the coach after being made King of Israel. Him figuring out who a baby’s real mom is will make him a big-brained player on the floor.
• Put Gideon on center, especially if his crew of Israelites drop from 32,000 down to 300 and still won against 120,000 Midianites. Mans is bound to go hard in the paint after he’s witnessed that anything is possible through the coach.

@myhousestats God hoops against the best basketball players ever. 🏀 #nba #god #jesus #foryou #jordan #viral #basketball #curry #lebron #christian #christiantiktok #bible ♬ original sound – myhousestats

The Coaches

All-Time NBA Team

• Before coaching Phil Jackson won two NBA championships with the Knicks in 1970 and 1973. He then coached the ‘90s Bulls to win six championships, then coached the Lakers to win another five in the 2000s.
• Red Auerbach coached Bill Russell’s Celtics and got nine championships in the process.
• Gregg Popovich was the chief strategist behind the Spurs winning five championships between 1999 and 2014 after drafting Tim Duncan.
• Steve Kerr played on the ‘90s Bulls and Popovich’s Spurs between 1999 and 2003. He coached the Warriors into getting four rings.

Team Yahweh

• Our great God that is, also known as YHWH, Yahweh, Jehovah, and many other names.

Sports Are Influenced by Gambling

While sports are entertaining competitions between two groups or people, they can be influenced to draw more viewers or customers, and to make more money through things like gambling. Michael Jordan, arguably the best player to ever play basketball, retired in 1993 because of his gambling problems. Referees are the key people that influence the outcome of games. Former NBA referee Tim Donoghy was found guilty of gambling on the games he officiated. Michael Franzese, a former Colombo family crime boss, was involved in the gambling business and shared his experiences with Vlad TV.